My Life Experience

 Dec 28, 2024 Small recap before going into the topic I have been working towards my dream. Working on a post production of a short film, trying to get a spec commercial done, slowly getting my life back together after countless time it fell apart and it has been falling apart because of me myself as I cannot mentally be stronger and hold myself together all the time. As the year closes by, I have kinda shutdown myself to work harder which is pretty weird cause I am not doing it voluntary. It's just the mind itself telling me to relax at the end of the year, the only issue is that I am in no position to relax and can't let my days go to waste. So I am trying to get back at fixing the mess I created inside myself in the past week and getting back to working hard and focusing on where I want to be.  Okay, now that's done, here's what I want to talk about.  Recently I had an experience of socializing. Yes, I do socialize sometimes, now and then. I was socializing and I jus...

Sometimes, I tend to dream about being loved. Being loved just for the sake of it. No questions, no fears, no complications. Just love. A hug, a touch, a sleep.  Then I wake up to what is now. The hollow vapidness of the empty bed strikes me as I tend to look out of my window to a large building that simply looks like it will touch the sky someday. I wake up to what is now and feel alone, hollow, a stick in my heart. "If only I was loved", I think. I then proceed to go through the day with whatever has humanely been expected of me. Work, studies and some chilling time here and there. After that brief moment in the morning, I never reflect on wanting to feel loved again throughout the day, instead I actively avoid it.  THE PARADOX OF BEING LONELY  The subway breezes by. The station is silent although there are about 128 people standing right next to me. Most of them on their phones, looking down at the void of content. I usually do that as well, it's easier to be deeply su...