THOUGHTS ON MORTALITY

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 THOUGHTS ON MORTALITY 

I have always wondered about the end of life, about the end of time, yes, I am a little weird dude sometimes but how can a living, breathing person not think of his own mortality when honestly he is always surrounded by the fear of dying? 

I recently lost someone close to me. Very close. I lost my grandmother.  The memories with her now feels like the faded negatives of the photos you used to click when you were young.  Regrets of not spending a little more time always hunts me. Maybe I should have said " I love you" a lot more to her. Maybe I should have held her hands a little longer. Maybe I should have heard her words from her wrinkled lips a lot more than I did. Maybe. Maybe. But it's always going to be a maybe. 

So now I look at mortality in a different light. I used to fear it a lot, even as a child. What if I died without proposing to this one girl I always used to like in school, I used to think. What if my grandmother just went away suddenly, what would I do? These fleeting thoughts would always run across my head ,constantly. I don't know if its unusual for a 13 year old to think about death as he was trying to sleep next to his loving grandmother but I used to be haunted by it every night. Now I am 19 and I have experienced what mortality feels like, what losing someone you love feels like, how in minutes  your life could completely disappear as you reflect on about how you lived it.


PASSION AND DEATH

In the present time, as I am writing this blog I do not fear death at all. I obviously do not want to die but if I do, right now as I am typing I wont be a sad and a lonely soul because for all my life, I have done things that made me happy. I am a young film student in an under developed country, what more should I say? I come from a medium class family. I was a good student with great results but I chose to chase this one goal that made me feel complete, made me happy. Obviously, this is a very risky profession I am willing to go into but then do I want to die happy or rich? With that said, these are few things I try to make myself accept as I walk down the path of uncertainty as you know it takes a great will or at least a lot more then desire to risk your whole life chasing a dream. 

The want or lets say the need of telling stories developed when I was very very young. If you check my facebook., scroll a little down to the year of 2016-2017 you will find some animations I did. Very amateurish animations but that's not the point, I found what people spend their whole life searching, "A purpose" lets say but I don't want to sound so dramatic so I am just gona called it "passion". But saying so I think to myself well is it all that a life needs? My grandmother was a strong woman who never thought about this "passion" thing. She spent her days looking after a family she made. Everyday she spent her minutes and hours being happy cause her child smiled. She lived one day at a time and lived it gracefully. She used to be a politician when she was young, but she wanted to do tailoring and loved designing clothes but being a female in misogynistic society of the late 50s she was never allowed to pursue what she always wanted to. So, if I maybe so bold I will say she didn't follow her passion but did she regret it? No, I don't think so because for the last 19 years of my life I have never seen a person so fulfilled, so happy and I think that's because she made a life of what she was given. I mean we all aren't lucky enough to go and chase the dreams we have but that's not what all our life is all about I believe. Obviously, it will be great if you could live your goals and live your dreams but even if you don't get the chance to live it if you make a life out of things given to you I believe you can still live a happy life. So, 

 DON'T WORRY 

Life is short, I know and you reading this are probably young. You have a long way to go far and probably have the drive and need to go as far as you want to but this is what I understood about mortality and life from my experience, no matter what you do nothing will make you happy as much as you yourself. Life is not supposed to be about earning, about being successful, about living your dreams. No, I believe life is just a journey where your primary focus should be on being happy, on being satisfied and on being around people you love, on suffering the heart aches and pain and learning everyday to be a better self so you yourself can grow older and look at your life the way my grandmother did. A blessing, she said. As she passed on to the after life, she said "Thank you" and I wish to die like her, satisfied and happy. 


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